So, I’ve wanted to take a bit of a lighthearted turn with my posts, because I’ve been getting a little too political recently, and as such, this holiday season I’ve decided to tackle a more superficial topic: religion!

I was raised protestant, which still really confuses me, but I obviously identify with a much more original platform that I think is on the upswing in the millennial community: agnosticism. It’s like, the Switzerland of the religious community. Probably because it’s not technically even a religion.

So, anyway, to kick off my first set of educational religious essays, today we’re going to bitch about Christmas. I’ve listed my current key issues with the festival below. Happy Holidays!

Girls who post pictures of their presents on social media. Just. Stop. Please. Were you raised by wolves in the hills of New Jersey?

Colored Christmas lights. I’m probably about to isolate a large community of my readers by announcing this one, but I feel passionately about it. The feng shui with these is bad. They’re lurid. Objectively.

Having to politely open presents you hate. Just kidding! It’s totally the thought that counts. Lol. You know.

Sober church. I used to have to do this in the 90’s, and I have a special place of pity for all those out there who still must experience such a thing.

That’s really everything that annoyed me this year. Like, I guess gifts aren’t awful. Sometimes.