alcoholic day: rules & regulations
Good morning everyone, and happy hangovers. In the spirit of a few inconveniences that I unfortunately had to suffer yesterday, we are going to need to discuss a little tragedy that I suppose most of the Christian world calls St. Patrick’s day.
I’m going to need to be blunt here: this is the only day of the year that is worse than Santacon. And since I unfortunately can’t have it legally forbidden, I’ve made some guidelines to steer its confused participants in the right direction.
Basically, if you do extract joy from dressing like a leprechaun and blacking out with some 21 year olds, please adhere to the laws below. As a bare minimum for the safety of humankind.
Mandatory St. Patrick’s Day Regulations
- Please do not scream derogatory things to women on the streets. No one wants to have sex with you, and you look like a predatory loser.
- Stay. North. Of. 14th. Street.
- Stop pretending that the celebration is for anything other than alcoholism. And I guess visually displeasing attire.
- Maybe just… take it to Boston, and leave it in Boston. I hear it’s more fun there!
Love you, mean it!