the ex factor.

Dear Nikki,

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year now, and we get along great and rarely fight. The only issue is that he's still friends with his ex. And I don't mean like "on good terms." I mean like she hangs out at his apartment while I'm there, and is coming on a group trip with us and his friends next weekend.

I've made jokes about it, but don't want to keep whining because then she'll seem more low maintenance than me in comparison. And he never mentions how it's a weird thing so idk if I'm just being crazy. Is this a more common situation than I think it is? Like is it a millennial thing and should I just chill?

The Ex Factor


Hey Scott Disick's new girlfriend,

Ok, so this question actually gives me a lot of PTSD because I have somehow experienced a similar situation to this in the darker days of my life. Basically my bf at the time and his roommates threw a party for his ex gf and I was expected to attend, because that is what rock bottom looks like (so no, this is not a normal situation).

The ex was actually super sweet and could not have been less of a threat because I was younger, hotter, cooler, richer, skinnier, and smarter, but I was a little perturbed that the praise for what a cool, chill girlfriend I am was being entirely missed in this situation. Like what girlfriend is that low maintenance?! Who AM I?! That's chill as fuck and needs to be acknowledged unless we've all just decided that social norms are no longer a thing.

It just felt like a slippery slope towards losing all of my self respect and that was concerning. So proceed with caution here.

Whoever is asking this of you must be very VERY aware that it is a huge ask and that if you're not down for the cause then that does not mean that you are a "crazy" or "jealous" girlfriend, it means that you are a normal human being.

And if you are down for the cause, then you are honestly the coolest girlfriend ever and should be treated as such, or no dice.

If they even imply that it's a given that you should be on board with this, then that is a red flag. And if they expect you to do anything that inconveniences your life to support such a situation (such as buying alcohol for said party - yes, that actually happened to me too), please run in the other direction.

Basically, the sitch is objectively sketchy and the way you react is directly correlated to your evaluation of your own self worth, so like, maybe decide that you don't hate yourself and tell your loser bf to stop pushing his luck.