...because everyone else is an idiot.

Dear Nikki,

I've been hooking up with this guy for about six months now, and I'm kind of super obsessed with him. He's really hot, the sex is so great, and we have the funniest texting convos. This sounds weird but I feel like he's kind of the male version of me.

The one major issue that we have is that he doesn't want to stop hooking up with other girls, which isn't the biggest deal because I don't want to rush it. It's just bad because the other week he did it in front me (at my birthday party which was so unnecessary) and all of my friends saw so it kind of ruined the night.

Do I talk to him about it or just ignore him for a bit and hope he gets the hint? I get that we're not exclusive so I don't want to freak him out, but making out with a rando at my birthday party was totally not ok. My friends have mixed opinions so not really sure what to do.

Thank youuu <3,
Trouble in Paradise


Hey Melania Trump, (I can't refer to this situation as paradise because that would be lying. Sorry.)

I. Am. So. Horrified. And I really hope that the part where you implied that you were going to keep hooking up with him is a JOKE because this entire story is honestly so disturbing that I want to call 911.

On the off chance this is actually real, please call your therapist immediately and carefully review all of my notes/necessary action items below:

1) NO. No, you should NOT ever speak to/think about this person ever again. They have a mental problem and if you send me their details I would be happy to arrange having them locked in a Russian dungeon for the good of the rest of society. Only people like Ted Bundy act like this and now I'm concerned for my own well being.

2) Please let some other girl live a life of misery.

3) If this person is your soulmate then that says something very bad about you. Please reflect on that.

4) I know this may be a lot to take in at once, but you probably also need new friends if they condoned any sort of follow-up behavior with Ted Bundy II. Friends don't let friends hook up with murderers. If you live in a small city/town this may mean that you're going to need to move, but it'll be for the best so I suggest you embrace it. Yay! New city, new you!! <3

I'm really still hoping that this entire question was a joke, and I literally just had to down three shots of tequila while writing this response to mitigate from the anxiety it gave me. So thank you for that.