feminism and first dates.

Dear Nikki,

I'm recently single, so have been going on a lot of app dates recently, which has been kind of fun but kind of weird. I always used to think it was polite to offer to pay (even if the guy asked me out) because they'd always say no. Anyway, I've been on a lot of first dates where the guy ends up agreeing, and even like one or two where I pay more. The last guy I went out with said it was a feminist thing, which confused me. Like, does he have a point or is this an early on red flag?

Thanks girl,
Lost In Society


Hey Hannah from Girls,

OKAY. This social decency tragedy and the word feminism should never be used in the same sentence ever again. This is a gender neutral issue. 

If you ask someone out (regardless of your gender), it is common courtesy to pay the bill. If a guy can't afford two meals and a few drinks, and still thinks it's ok to try and lure you to a bar, then that is a him problem. If it's your boyfriend, then that's one thing, and a burden that you agreed to sign up for. But on a first date?! With someone from an app?!

Please do not forget that dating app people are literally STRANGERS from the INTERNET, who are 99.9999% trying to use you for sex and then never talk to you again. To quote Chris Harrison and his cult of fake models: these. people. are. not. here. for. the. right. reasons. 

So, I'm a little confused as to why any of them think you should also be offering to buy them something, after they've already made you inconvenience your life to come and meet them. It feels... unnecessary.

They asked you out, probably wasted your time, and most likely had bad intentions in the first place.

So, my formal stance on this issue is: I will only offer to split if I actually like you. And then it's a test.

Anyway, I'm already prepared for the backlash I'm going to get here, with all men complaining about how they take girls out all the time, and never end up getting sex out of it, and girls who want their dates paid for are gold diggers and blah, blah, blah, your lives are sooo hard. So let me preemptively clear up these little misconceptions before anyone gets too worked up.

  1. If you are repeatedly being disappointed by having to pay for your dates when they are not ending the way you would like them to, I would suggest to a) be pickier with who you ask out in the first place or b) work on your personality a bit more, so that women want to continue seeing you.
  2. A free drink/meal isn't "gold digging." It is something that most girls receive multiple offers for on a daily basis. That's just a harsh reality that I suggest all men accept and face head on for going forward. This is the world of dating apps.

And, at the end of the day, if someone isn't going to pay, then I'd rather go to dinner with my parents, who have already made a better offer. Thanks for playing!