"Hi. I’m Hannah.  Tonight I’m going to a party.  It’s in Las Vegas.  It’s a debut for my new movie. I’m really excited for tonight.  I have the best job ever… you might even know me.  I’m a porn star. No, I’m not a single mom. Yes, I graduated high school; no, I didn’t go to college. I’m done with questions, though. I’m going to get ready."

Hannah had a lot of fun tonight, for all of you who were wondering. Hannah is happy. So, relax, have a drink, and stop wondering about what happened to poor little Hannah in her childhood that made her choose such a career. Or about what poor happy little Hannah’s future will be like.  Or whether Hannah’s children will look up to her. And if they will want to be like her.  Stop wondering whether Hannah will even have children.  Hannah is happy.

"Hi, it’s me Hannah again! The party was so fun! Me and my friends all wore these cute little matching corset tops. Have you ever seen the show the girls next door? I love that show. Kendra’s my favorite, because she’s kind of a tomboy, like me. Anyway, we had basically the same room they get in that show when they go to las vegas.  It wasn’t as big, but it had a private pool. I’m only twenty, so I couldn’t gamble or go out.  So I just got drunk when we were still in the room and then hung out with everyone."

Stop wondering if Hannah has a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and if it’s a healthy relationship.  Stop pondering what they consider cheating.  It’s not relevant what Hannah looks like, so stop thinking about it. Hannah is pretty. Hannah is happy.  Stop wondering how smart Hannah is. Stop wondering how stupid Hannah is.

"I never really liked school that much. I didn’t fail out, I just didn’t love it. Who does, though? No one I know! I think people shouldn’t waste their lives doing things that they think are boring. I love sex, so that’s what I do.  And I’m good at it, and it pays well.  Much better than waiting tables."

Hannah is a person.  Hannah is happy. Hannah is pretty. Hannah isn’t stupid. Hannah isn’t smart.  Hannah is a porn star. Hannah is happy. Hannah is pretty. Hannah isn’t stupid. Hannah isn’t smart.  Stop worrying whether Hannah’s parents are proud of her or not. Hannah is happy. Don’t all parents just want their children to be happy?