louboutins & body glitter: a lesson in how to be hotter
Ok, so I know, I normally write about sex, but today I'm going to write about something almost as important: looking hot.
Sometimes I see all these sad unfortunate girls wearing awkward sundresses, or those weird drop earrings that your 4th grade teacher used to wear, and it's really made me want to start helping people.
I'm not sure if it's like a New York City thing, or like an inspired by the recent Dove Campaigns thing, but I feel like women are being fed a lot of misinformation from other jealous women who don't want to see them hit their hotness potential.
And if there is one thing I cannot stand, it's a lack of hotness in a social situation. And money. And fame. But whatever, you get the point. So here are the necessities:
1) Long hair (preferably highlighted and/or blonde, from a super expensive salon)
2) Show your stomach (which I'm assuming is flat and has a belly button piercing)
3) Get a spray tan (this speaks for itself)
4) Body glitter (it's just fun)
5) Louboutins (or if you're poor, just some sort of stiletto)
If you think you're cute or quirky enough to pull something else off, you're not.
And look, I'm not here to tell anyone what to do, but I'm just saying, when you don't listen to me and then you decide to be a bitch to me at LAVO because you're jealous that I'm hotter than you, I totally will not be in the mood. At all. And I throw drinks when I'm pissed.