Sex Store Event Review <3

Hi friends. I went to an event at a sex store the other day, and I really recommend these to everyone that I don’t hate.

I’m not in a very verbose mood, so pros/cons are below babe$


Free champagne. Just keep refilling while you make small talk about nipple clamps. It’ll feel more natural.

A 2% chance of winning free sex toys. There’s a lottery, (which I entered my name in twice, sorry! This is my formal confession of guilt.) and it has like a $150 sex toy gift bag prize. And I’m mad at the girl who won the last time I went. Like, I at least cared enough about winning to cheat.

Girls are fun. I like, actually… didn’t hate the crowd. Which everyone knows means a lot coming from me. Just like, bring a friend and be fun and I’ll see ya there at the next one kk thx ttyl :*


Sex advice is for basic bitches. I’m probably going to get some backlash for saying this one (which I’ve already decided that I’m not apologizing for), but if you’re a straight girl, the best place to get sex advice that is actually INFORMED, is from a straight man who gets laid. Not from the lesbian at the sex store. Not from 50 Shades of Grey. Not from the 40 year old woman writing for Cosmo. What does she know? She’s probably given her husband three blow jobs since the 90s.

Sex toys are fucking expensive, papi. The first time I was in a sex store, I wanted to buy some basic af furry handcuffs with my ex boyfriend, and I was somehow pulled into a sales pitch for an $80 pair of leather restraints. This annoyed me a lot. Then my ex bought me a $200 vibrator, so I didn’t end up killing anyone.

Anyway, sex store parties are fun. With the right society. And here’s a link to my favorite sex toy! <3