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this is a public. service. announcement.

Females everywhere: please sleep with one eye open and do not trust anyone. And the next time a guy is nice to you please remember that it is because he has a wife and a secret family and probably wants to pay you to have a threesome or go to a sex party with him. These are the only possible motivations.

So, I'm going to start this warning with a brief discussion about a little thing called premature ejaculation. I'm aware that sex sometimes doesn't always last as long as you would like it to. That's fine. I get that sometimes guys get tired. That's fine too. Do you know what is not fine? A 31 year old man prematurely ejaculating during a clothed make out session. That is a medical problem.

Anyway, premature ejaculator then thinks it is ok to begin sexting me while REFERENCING the premature ejaculation, because I am apparently supposed to take this as some sort of compliment. He then proceeds to ask if he has to use a condom (yes because 1. ew and 2. because I don't think we need to be doing anything that could speed the finishing process up even more).

Then, he tells me he just started seeing someone but good news! He still wants to keep seeing me too! Aren't I lucky?!

So, to sum up, not only did he finish WHILE WE WERE MAKING OUT (twice), but within a span of one week he has now apparently gotten a girlfriend, and has given me the very generous offer of also being able to date him. It just "can't be serious I guess." That is a real quote. From a real person. Who proposed an offer of being a concubine to me as a real idea.

I know. It's a lot to handle for me too.

That conversation ended with me murdering him and he's now in a basement in Russia with all other people who I don't like. This murder was a good deed that I did for the women of New York City and I am totally accepting thank you presents for this. Email me (3amNikki@gmail.com) for my wish list :)

XOXO,
Nikki